When Fine Doesn’t Mean Fine

“I’m fine.”  I say these words more than a normal person would.  I’d bet on it.  Unfortunately, most of the time I say them, I’m really not fine.  Things aren’t going well, and something is probably eating me from the inside out.  Mostly because this is my constant state of being.  Thing is, most people don’t know.  They can’t… I’m very good at disguise.  And so are the many other people in this world with mental illness who don’t want to burden their friends or loved ones with everything that is going on inside them.

There are a few that can see behind the curtains, though, and I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m kinda terrified of them.  It’s like being naked.  And while part of me always wants people to know what I’m going through, I don’t at the same time.  It’s a part of me that I want to hide.

I can write about different mental health things that I’ve experienced or exist too.  That’s impersonal.  I’m not talking to you about the things my mind is experiencing in real time.  It’s an edited version of what happened.  My mind isn’t like SNL.  And when I do bring up things that are going on in real time, even THAT is edited.

So the next time a friend or family member of yours with a mental illness says “I’m fine,” they probably aren’t.  BUT… they’re good enough to fake it for your sake.

About I.V.

39 year old woman with Schizoaffective, Bipolar type. I'm also intelligent, mostly positive, fandom junkie. Oh, and I have one cat left... he's 14. So... fandom junkie? Ah, yes. Supernatural, Merlin, Buffy tvs, Angel the series, LOTR, Harry Potter, old x-files. I also like anime and and Manga. farvorite anime? Vampire Knight... and it cannot be dubbed! I also like plenty of others, I think of Elfin Leid when I say that... oh, and Blood+. Favorite Manga? Junjou Romantica, Vampire Knight, Loveless, Gravitation. I like the anime for these as well if they have it. Books: Dune, Good Omens, HP, LOTR, The Hunger Games, Wicked, the Southern Vampire Series, Snow Crash, American Gods, Pride and Prejudice, comics. Movies: The Boondock Saints, LOTR, HP series, Girl Interupted, SLC Punk, Walk Hard: the Dewie Cox Story, House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, Foxfire, Empire Records, Star Wars (only episodes 4-6), Iron Man (both of them), Thor (1&2), The Avengers Video Games: Dragon Age 1,2 and Inquisition, Kingdoms of Amalur, Little Big Planet, Star Ocean. I also love watching other people play Mass Effect, Dead Space and all the above mentioned games Music: Billie Eilish, Halsey, Bastille, Bush, Celldweller, The Chainsmokers, The Creepshow, Ed Sheeran, Hey Violet, Pink, 5SOS, Post Malone, Rob Zombie, Shinedown, Skillet, Taylor Swift, Tori Amos, Within Temptation, ZZ Ward.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to When Fine Doesn’t Mean Fine

  1. Two rules I’ve learned: Act like you’re okay, and pretend you know what you’re doing. I don’t usually want to get into what’s bothering me because casual acquaintances aren’t therapists. Plus being seen as “okay” makes it easier for me to get through my day in the hopes of possibly dealing with it later.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s