My Identity

Well, let’s be honest here. All through my life (after I turned 16) I had came out as a lesbian and yet I was still so confused. I didn’t have a gf until college and something just didn’t feel right. She was really into sex, and since I found myself “in love” I gave her what she wanted. It still didn’t feel normal to me.

After she dumped me, I got to think a little more about myself and who I am. Of course, during this time after college I swear I was in a constant manic swing that ended fall 2011. Since then I’ve became more genuine. More… me.

The thing is that, if you’re my friend you may have trouble dealing with (as I have for the most part) the fact that I’m non-binary. I generally identify as a different gender than anything “male” or “female.” Unless I’m not identifying as anything.

I know it may be so confusing, believe me, I know. You all know I’ve had sex… with people from each binary. I can’t explain things dealing with the sex part to others. All I do know is that I don’t want to be referred to as she/her anymore because that’s not what I am. I’m going with they/them at this point as I keep exploring. Currently, I’m not interested in any sexual relations either.

I know that no one really knows about this and I don’t want to keep it this way. I’m not telling family (except my sister), but I’d like my friends to know. It’s a really rough time for me right now. Right now, one friend I know in real life knows, and she was amazing about it all.

I just want people to love me for me.

About I.V.

39 year old woman with Schizoaffective, Bipolar type. I'm also intelligent, mostly positive, fandom junkie. Oh, and I have one cat left... he's 14. So... fandom junkie? Ah, yes. Supernatural, Merlin, Buffy tvs, Angel the series, LOTR, Harry Potter, old x-files. I also like anime and and Manga. farvorite anime? Vampire Knight... and it cannot be dubbed! I also like plenty of others, I think of Elfin Leid when I say that... oh, and Blood+. Favorite Manga? Junjou Romantica, Vampire Knight, Loveless, Gravitation. I like the anime for these as well if they have it. Books: Dune, Good Omens, HP, LOTR, The Hunger Games, Wicked, the Southern Vampire Series, Snow Crash, American Gods, Pride and Prejudice, comics. Movies: The Boondock Saints, LOTR, HP series, Girl Interupted, SLC Punk, Walk Hard: the Dewie Cox Story, House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, Foxfire, Empire Records, Star Wars (only episodes 4-6), Iron Man (both of them), Thor (1&2), The Avengers Video Games: Dragon Age 1,2 and Inquisition, Kingdoms of Amalur, Little Big Planet, Star Ocean. I also love watching other people play Mass Effect, Dead Space and all the above mentioned games Music: Billie Eilish, Halsey, Bastille, Bush, Celldweller, The Chainsmokers, The Creepshow, Ed Sheeran, Hey Violet, Pink, 5SOS, Post Malone, Rob Zombie, Shinedown, Skillet, Taylor Swift, Tori Amos, Within Temptation, ZZ Ward.
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